08- Summer Series: Navigating Student Overwhelm/Meltdowns in Music Lessons

Emotional struggles in piano lessons can transform a beautiful learning experience into a source of stress for both students and teachers. How do we handle those moments when a student becomes overwhelmed or has a meltdown at the keyboard? Drawing from nearly 20 years of teaching experience, this episode unpacks practical, compassionate approaches to these challenging situations.

Whether you're teaching neurotypical or neurodivergent students, these strategies build a foundation of trust and safety that allows genuine learning to flourish. After all, the greatest honor in teaching isn't just developing musical skills, but becoming that consistent, calming presence that students can depend on week after week.

Chapters

• 1:44 Welcome to Episode Eight
• 2:30 Understanding Overwhelm vs Meltdowns
• 6:56 Strategies for Handling Student Overwhelm
• 16:40 Addressing Meltdowns in Piano Lessons
• 22:34 Being a Consistent Calm Presence
• 26:34 Key Takeaways for Teachers

Transcript

Dr. Elizabeth: 0:52

Hello and welcome to episode number eight of the Creative Piano Pedagogy Podcast! Great to have you listening in. If you are new, you're going to want to go back and listen to our other summer series episodes. They have been so fantastic. This summer series is called "so I have this Student and they are all based on questions that teachers have submitted Very interesting questions, all about pedagogy and teaching.

Dr. Elizabeth: 1:22

So we're going to dive right into our next question today. This question comes to us courtesy of a teacher in Greenville, South Carolina in the U. S.: "how do you comfort or calm students that get overwhelmed or out of control in the lessons? Such an excellent question. It's so practical because it not only applies to piano but really to every student interaction that we might have, and I love that. It also applies to both neurotypical and neurodivergent students with, you know, disabilities or without a disability.

Dr. Elizabeth: 2:02

So, there are some technical terms for what we might call overwhelm or "out of control in a lesson, but we're going to stick with these kind of informal terms. I love them and we'll just define them a bit further for our own use today. So if we think of overwhelm, that's going to be literally what it sounds like a student who just gets overwhelmed in a lesson. This is typically some kind of manifestation of anxiety, that kind of builds and builds and then we get overwhelmed. I get overwhelmed as an adult. I'm sure you have in the past as well, so this is not a foreign feeling to us.

Dr. Elizabeth: 2:44

But this sense of out of control might be a bit more out of the norm if you haven't experienced this a lot in lessons. The term we're going to use today is'meltdown meltdown'. You may have heard it called tantrums, but this is basically an outburst of severe emotional distress. That's the technical version. So, So today we're dealing with overwhelm and what we're going to call meltdowns. One of the most frustrating things to hear when you ask a question of someone is the response, "Well Well, it depends, but how you handle a situation like overwhelm, shutdown, meltdown in a lesson truly depends on a myriad of different factors. Now, since that response is not remotely helpful at all, let's do a few hypotheticals together with some things you can try with your students. These are things that I do in lessons when I'm teaching. I'm approaching 20 years of teaching and these principles have served me very well, so I hope they'll be helpful for you as . well As as we go through these scenarios,. keep Keep your students in mind. Maybe you currently have students who show signs of becoming easily overwhelmed, or perhaps they have very strong emotional reactions during the lesson, and maybe Maybe one of these ideas could work for them.

Dr. Elizabeth: 4:09

Let's dive right into overwhelm. I want you to think of overwhelm as a gigantic umbrella. Beneath this umbrella are a lot of different circumstances and potential causes for stress and anxiety, and for this particular student, it's manifesting as overwhelm in the lesson . Overwhelm can pop up when a student is easily frustrated while learning difficult concepts, maybe when the teacher gives feedback like criticism or things the student needs to fix- that's That's a big one. It can pop up when the routine is different, when the music is more challenging than expected, when the student is taking a while to grasp a new concept, or maybe you accidentally planned for too many difficult things in a lesson. The list could go on and on- there There are so many different things that could cause overwhelm. But, in contrast, overwhelm may not actually have anything to do with the music, you as the teacher, teacher or the lesson at all. It could be something completely external that you don't know anything about- it's It's not your and it It has nothing to do with the lesson.

Dr. Elizabeth: 5:27

Students come to piano with so much on their minds, especially if they're coming directly from school or another activity. They're thinking about grades, home situations, family; they're hungry, they're tired, they're thirsty, they had to get up too early this morning, etc. Maybe some issues with their friend groups, maybe they're having physical discomfort they got hit during dodgeball, during PE. There are so many things that could impact a student's demeanor and their attitude to learning that day, so keep that in mind as well.

Dr. Elizabeth: 6:04

The first thing you should do when you notice a student is becoming overwhelmed is to simply observe- and this happens very quickly. But you want to see what the signs are the student is showing that they're overwhelmed, like tension, literally- physical tension. Maybe they're hunched over the keyboard. Maybe they're showing signs of emotional stress, like they're crying or not talking with you as much as normal and their communication has changed. Maybe they're having an unusual emotional response. This could be something kind of loud, like shouting, or maybe their communication has become a bit defensive. It could also be very quiet, like they shut down. You also want to look for body language. Are their hands kind of clenched? Is their jaw clenched? Do they have unusual lack of eye contact or maybe more eye contact than usual? Is there a shift in the mood? Maybe they're shifting from a determined and engaged state to frustrated, quiet and angry?

Dr. Elizabeth: 7:12

All of those things are things we want to just instantly and very quickly observe in the lesson, and then we want to move on from observing to assessing. Is it a musical or physiological issue that could be quickly addressed, like physical tension? This could be technique. Maybe it's resulting in a rhythm being played incorrectly and the student is really frustrated because they keep playing this rhythm over and over and it's still incorrect. Maybe it's a coordination issue between the hands that can be easily sorted by just doing some tapping or something away from the keyboard. Maybe it's a fingering, a tempo. So, we we want to assess- assess is it a musical thing that we can quickly address? If it is, you can very easily take a different approach with that thing, like isolating just the trouble treble spot in the piece by eliminating everything else. So, So if it's a rhythm that is catching them off guard, have them tap it or sing it to a funny rhythm, to a funny rhyme, make up words to match it, have them clap it or tap it on their lap. Do something that's very not related to what they've been doing. Have the student play just one hand- (whichever whichever hand in the piece has the steady rhythm)-. let Let them play that while you play the other, so they can hear how it goes together. So, So think-, is it a musical thing that's going on here, that That we can just reframe, readjust and kind of work past it ?

Dr. Elizabeth: 8:50

You can also keep in mind that thinking about too many things can cause overwhelm. Having your student focus on too many things at once can make them overwhelmed. Having your student focus on fingering, rhythm, dynamics, but there are elements that are still not there, like the coordination of the hands playing together is still lacking- but you're trying to work on dynamics. That's too much at once. Overwhelm is going to happen. Even if they don't communicate it to you, it's going to be there. So, if you're able to kind of reframe and adjust, excellent. Just keep on going, you're doing great.

Dr. Elizabeth: 9:31

If you feel like you cannot do that, if it's the frustration is greater than "just I can't get this right, or the typical tricks and strategies are not working, then it's time to shift gears and do something we call redirect and instead of just reframing and adjusting, we switch to something different and we can do that in a lot of different ways and I'm sure you've done this in your lessons as well. But it's just an intentional way to think about doing these things that can make you a bit more aware of it.

Dr. Elizabeth: 10:05

I love to start with just a gentle conversation about the music and not about the student. Not"you you are doing this or you aren't doing this, but it's always the music Like this is trickier than it looks right. Or wow, those accidentals are going crazy on this page. Doesn't it look like there are accidentals everywhere? Add some humor. Like how dare Chopin write a passage with such a bizarre amount of turns and finger switches in one passage? How dare he? If that works, then you're on the right track. You're kind of redirecting and you're helping the student realize this is tricky. It's not you. So I never like to place blame on the student. Like why are you acting like this? Why are you? That is not going to help anyone. It certainly wouldn't help me if I was feeling overwhelmed, so it definitely won't help my students.

Dr. Elizabeth: 11:09

If this kind of rhetoric and approach is not working and the student is not verbally responding, that's when you take a sharp right turn, a 90 degree angle, and you redirect to something completely different, a different activity. Don't force your student to have a conversation with you if they're not in the mood for it. There are so many reasons why we shouldn't do this and why there are better ways to do this, but kids can become so overwhelmed emotionally, mentally, that they can just sort of shut down and we might try to really pull it out of them. When I was a new teacher, I tried that and it didn't work. So, we just switch to something different.

Dr. Elizabeth: 11:56

Something else I would encourage you to do is to just instantly apply the breaks to the pace of your teaching. Slow the pace of the lesson way down, drastically, drastically down. If you haven't thought about your pace of teaching or the pace of learning, go back and listen to episode number two of the podcast. It was completely dedicated to lesson pacing and I'm convinced this is one of the hidden gems in piano teaching- it really makes a huge difference. So, change your pacing. Slow everything down, relax the pace of learning. Don't be in a hurry, don't talk quickly. Be relaxed, be very unhurried. That's the best thing you can do. Another thing you can do that's really great is to give your student a choice of what to do next. This is a great way to give a student kind of a brain break, to help them choose the next activity, exercise some autonomy, but also to them process that we are transitioning out of this into something different and it allows the student to choose that transition phase, what they're going to be doing next.

Dr. Elizabeth: 13:11

When I give my student a choice of a couple different things in a situation like this, I will choose two things that I know they both love and are very good at. I am not going to choose the hardest theory activity I have in my arsenal. I'm not going to pull out something I know that they do not enjoy and that they struggle with. That's not the time. This is the time to pull out something you know they enjoy, even if it's a review- great, one of their favorite recital pieces from last year- yes, an improvisation- perfect. Whatever it is, choose one of those things, offer those choices. I also love to offer what I call a 'brain or body break,' and it's literally how it sounds. I'll pull out something that's very tactile, very sensory, like our lollipop drum, play-doh, a pop-it, something that involves moving, that's very different than what we have been doing.

Dr. Elizabeth: 14:12

And you know what works that's surprising? Giving your student a drink like a cold drink of water. "Hey, I'm really thirsty, would you like some cold water? I just got some new water bottles. Take them away from the piano, go sit on the floor and do a fun activity, sit on your couch, whatever. Just redirect. It's like a 90 degree turn in the lesson and sometimes it's just what you need to do.

Dr. Elizabeth: 14:35

Students who are overwhelmed and respond by shutting down often have way too much sensory input incoming and their brain just needs a break to reboot. They cannot process all the things coming at them. So, giving them something physical to do with their hands, something sensory to feel, that can be really wonderful. I've even had students wash their hands using cold or hot water, whatever they prefer, and it really helps to reset them as well.

Dr. Elizabeth: 15:08

Most importantly, I would encourage you, as a teacher, to take a mental snapshot and note of this interaction with your student so you can just jot some notes down for yourself later after the lesson. Note what happened when the student grew frustrated, what you tried or did, how the student responded. Learn from these situations so that you can help prevent them in the future and this will also give you a lot of tools in your toolbox so that you can pull them out if your student becomes overwhelmed in the future.

Dr. Elizabeth: 15:43

Let's transition to 'out of control' or meltdowns. . Meltdowns, or students who become out of control in the lesson, is very different from just being frustrated. In piano pedagogy and student teaching, teaching we're not taught a module or semester on how to handle situations when students' behavior becomes disruptive, negative or even just neutral, like they stop responding. I firmly believe that understanding our students' responses, their development, their neuro- processing, their sensory systems- systems helps us know them better and makes us more informed and compassionate educators. I think we need an entire episode on meltdowns just to dig into some of the potential triggers and causes, how they manifest and show up in piano lessons and some of the complexities associated with them. But let's just go over kind of the basics about meltdowns just to kind of give an today. Today You

Dr. Elizabeth: 16:49

you may have heard these referred to as temper tantrums or just tantrums, but meltdowns are a bit of a drastic and rather explosive display of emotions from a person and they typically manifest or show up in a physical and emotional response to a situation. In a piano lesson, we can think back to some of those same potential triggers for overwhelm that we just discussed, like difficult spots in the music, technique, frustration, physically playing a passage, some of those things, and even the external factors that have absolutely nothing to do with music. Those can be some of the same triggers for meltdowns.

Dr. Elizabeth: 17:34

The difference comes in this key distinction. . Meltdowns rarely just explode out of nowhere. They're usually preceded by something, even if it's something that we do not witness. This could be signs of frustration, body language from the student that is very guarded and more shut off than normal. For this scenario, let's just imagine that your student has had a rough day at school and they have now arrived to their piano lessons hungry, thirsty, angry from school situations and on top of that, they're not playing as well as they'd hoped in their lesson. All of this might compound to a meltdown where a student slams the keyboard lid shut and they go on and perhaps sort of freeze or shut down. They might even grow defensive, a bit angry, maybe even argumentative in their communication with you. This is that defining line between meltdown and overwhelm. Overwhelm is typically a slow, burning frustration that builds. Meltdown is an explosive moment where a student can no longer handle the situation and then their emotions just kind of explode. This is due to a buildup of little frustrations- whether that be musical, like we talked about external, external sensory, it has all culminated into this kind of emotional event.

Dr. Elizabeth: 19:10

I always do my best to watch for students' triggers or things that I know might cause frustration or overwhelm in the lesson so we can avoid meltdowns altogether; but sometimes, even with my best intentions and careful planning, a student will have a really difficult lesson, often due to no fault of mine and no fault of the student. It's just a perfect storm. When we're dealing with meltdowns, the best thing you can do as a teacher, a mentor, coach and as a human is just be the same calm, pleasant person who greeted the student when they entered your studio that day. Don't match your emotions to your students' emotions, but rather be a constant for your student, a consistently calm, pleasant and understanding person. And I know that's more difficult to do than just to say it. I have been there. Everyone has bad days and our neurodivergent students cannot predict their behaviors or even their responses to sensory stimuli or the buildup of these frustrations. However, it's my goal to be a consistently calm presence in their lessons. So, even if they cannot predict their response, they can predict mine. My students know I'll be the same version of Dr. Elizabeth when they're having a really good day and we laugh at their silly jokes, or if they're having a bad day and we have to stop the lesson.

Dr. Elizabeth: 20:45

How can you do that? Well, when your students are showing signs of a shutdown- they're shutting down communications or having a meltdown, and this isn't something you've experienced a lot- my advice is to immediately and ever so gently redirect to a completely different activity. Take that 90- degree turn we talked about earlier. Gently, quietly and without a big fuss, pull out their favorite Boom Card game and simply say "you know, we have not played this in a long time. Would you like to do this together? Or quietly, start improvising on the piano and, in a sort of gentle singing voice, ask your student if they want to join you in playing. Maybe keep a sensory fidget toy close to the piano so they can grab it when they need a brain break. Just redirect 90 degrees into another direction. This will not only help redirect their literal attention and energy, but also their emotions and thoughts onto the new thing.

Dr. Elizabeth: 21:52

It's also very okay to redirect to something non-musical, especially if the student was particularly distressed due to something in the music. For example, I have a student who is autistic and ADHD and she really struggles to read music in the score, not because she can't identify the notes and patterns she can, but the process of reading music is just very stressful for her. If she has a meltdown while reading music, I'm not going to pull out another piece of music for us to read together. I'm going to go in the opposite way and do something very sensory, like a velcro music puzzle or a coloring page, where she has some autonomy and it uses a completely different set of skills. Another good thing to do when a student is having a meltdown is get them off the piano bench and just invite them to sit somewhere different. Perhaps that's on the floor, if they enjoy sitting on the floor. Maybe even just switch seats with them and allow the student to sit in your teacher chair and you sit on the bench. Just removing them from that space can be very helpful and help them calm themselves.

Dr. Elizabeth: 23:06

From lots of research about sensory input and overwhelm, we know that autonomy and choices can be very therapeutic, calming, and important for individuals who are experiencing stress or having a highly emotional response to a situation. Offering choices to your student- "Would you like to play this game or do a coloring page? And that kind of thing will help give them autonomy in choosing what to do next, so their brain will not have to fill in the extra pieces of I wonder what we're going to do next. So their brain will not have to fill in the extra pieces of I wonder what we're going to do next. They will be the one to decide that.

Dr. Elizabeth: 23:46

If you have a student who is outwardly having a physical outburst with a meltdown like throwing things, I still recommend remaining very calm and just redirecting, but even more drastically, and use a phrase like "we don't do that at the piano. Let's move this so you don't get hurt, or let's take a break from piano right now and sit on the floor. Those are just a few basic little phrases, but you get the picture Redirecting with phrases that don't accuse the student or berate them, just helping them transition to something different. In extreme cases, you may need to end the lesson and call their parents. I have had to do that several times. It's never fun to have to text or call and let them know that their child is in distress, but parents want and need to know what is going on with their children, so don't hesitate to do that if you ever feel like the situation warrants that kind of response.

Dr. Elizabeth: 24:42

To recap on our topic today, there could be dozens of reasons why a student might become overwhelmed or have a meltdown in the lesson, but don't get too bogged down in that aspect of the detective work. Instead, focus on trying to redirect and move on, taking note of what works and what doesn't, so you'll know what to try next time. And don't forget that one of the best things you can do for your student is be the same version of yourself when they come to lessons each week- very calm, open posture and relaxed body language. This greatly helps your students relax and feel more comfortable, and it will also build a tremendous amount of trust with them. You will become part of the routine that they depend on in lessons. And I know that can feel like a heavy responsibility, but I view it as an honor to be a constant in my students' lives, even in this very small way.

Dr. Elizabeth: 25:42

And, of course, the best thing you can do when dealing with these type of situations is to learn your student and become an expert on them. I've said this so many times on several episodes, so I feel a bit like a broken record to repeat that, but it is such a vital aspect of teaching and it can make all the difference. To conclude today's episode, I will end with this anonymous quote that I think beautifully and succinctly summarizes today's topic: "An escalated adult cannot de-escalate an escalated child. I'm going to say it one more time because there's so much in there that's so good An escalated adult cannot de-escalate an escalated child. That is profound. I hope you gained a couple of ideas to try with your students and things to look out for so that your lessons can be positive and full of joyful music making.